ebony nash posts

You Have Body Image Issues? But You Post So Many Selfies?

April 8, 2016

snow-white-queen-body-image

If I had a pound for each time somebody asked me this question, I wouldn’t be claiming Universal Credit, put it that way. Assuming that you’re a frequenter of my blog, you may have happened upon a post which outlines my history of eating disorders and poor body image. If not, I would politely recommend you have a gander at the first post as this has a lot to do with the BDD I have surrounding my face shape.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been quite the ardent selfie-taker. Ever since I can remember, I’ve always vehemently despised the shape of my face. If you’re (un)lucky enough to be close to me, you may have had to endure a drunken Ebony sobbing over the fact that “no matter how skinny I get, my face will always be fat” around the 3am point of a night out (sobs, sniffs and chip breaks edited out for concision). If you’re a friend of mine on Facebook, you’ll find that the vast majority of my tagged photos are of me artfully perched next to a friend, selfie pose initiated, always the one in control of the camera – a stark lack of normal group shots or candid snaps.

For this, and the fact that I post at least one selfie to my Instagram a week, people seem to assume that I’m vain and utterly besotted with my own reflection. My exes have thought it, former frenemies have thought it, even my own mother thinks it – despite watching me physically shrink myself through my eating disorder as a teenager, in a futile bid to burn off the biological shape of my facial bone structure.

I wish this was the case. I wish that every time my nan gleefully brandished her camera and declared it family photo time, I could happily oblige without the fear of subsequently looking at the image and wanting to quite genuinely take a knife to my own jawline (or lack thereof). I wish I could be less uptight and not beat myself up for days after seeing pictures from a party, ruthlessly berating myself for not having the dainty heart-shaped faces of my friends. I wish I could let boyfriends take cute candid pictures of me without getting in a psycho tizz if I look like a glorified moon adorned in red lipstick. I wish my head would let me spend more time caring about things that actually fucking matter in the world.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I feel like a badass bitch and I do everything in my power to internalise the fact that I have a similar face-shape to Dita Von Teese, and she’s an internationally-renowned, bonafide bloody babe. However, even on those days, let somebody pull a camera out and watch how quickly my face contorts, or how I just magically disappear altogether.

So, where do these selfies come in? If I’m such a moon-face, why am I always whoring it out across my social solar system? Why is my Instagram curated solely of my meticulously vsco-cammed pouts, some vegan meal snapshots to profess how endlessly virtuous I am, and a bunch of personally relevant quotes/poems? Am I just completely vapid and shallow?

When I take a picture of my face/body/outfit on Instagram, I’m conforming to the social media standards of externalising my life to look all refined and rose-tinted-glasses, but I’m also striving to internalise a version of myself into my own head – one that isn’t the moon-face. One that has cheekbones and an actual jawline and a face that doesn’t look like it belongs to a podgy 12-year-old. One that hasn’t led me to starve myself or self-harm because I can’t handle the ‘reality’ of it. Given the nature of BDD, whereby I haven’t the frigging foggiest as to what exactly my face-shape actually looks like in person, I tend to use images of myself as a form of body-checking which, in turn, creates an internalised ‘reality’ of what I look like mentally.

By taking all of these staged, angled and filtered up-to-the-nines pictures, and surrounding myself with them – projecting them out to the world – they become ‘me’, and I can just about handle being that ‘me’. If I lived life with the gay abandon of most people who aren’t lunatics and let people take photographs of me here/there/everywhere, I would internalise myself as this fat, satsuma-shaped mess and my self-esteem would baseline, leading to my eating disorder’s immediate resurfacing. Whether that’s what I actually look like, or not.

It may seem delusional, bizarre or just completely fucking stupid, but it’s how I get by day-to-day and it’s just one of the mechanisms I use to help myself get out of bed. If anybody can relate, in any shape or form, kindly leave me a comment or hit me up on Twitter @Ebzo, cause I’m a tad concerned that I sound insane right now. But I beg of you: nobody ask me that fucking question again…

Pipe-dreamin’: Alice + Olivia Pre-Fall 2014 Line.

December 13, 2013

Right, I don’t usually post about anything high fashion because, as a rule, I couldn’t even afford half a McQueen scarf, or the discarded handle of a Mulberry Alexa – but whatcha gonna do? Anyway, whilst doing what I do best – wasting my life on Twitter – I stumbled across high-end brand, alice + olivia’s tweet revealing their new Pre-Fall line: it was lust at first sight. If anyone knows me away from the computer screen, preppy almost school-girl chic is a big part of my wardrobe, so this collection has got me baaaad. I don’t really need to say much more, I’ll let this endless divinity speak for itself (though I may post a high-street lookalikes post soon, for us poor folk):

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OOTD: Freezing in Florals.

December 13, 2013

Just because it’s -1,000° outside and the real flowers are all dead, doesn’t mean it’s too late to pay homage to the wonderful summer we’re all missing. I absolutely love this dress, it’s floaty, it’s that little bit OTT – but it’s “vintage daaahling”, so you can just about get away with it. Today I’ve travelled over 300 miles back from Kent to Lancaster, so obviously, it’s a great idea to go out and get trollied now (in a different outfit, mind)…

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4 ‘Easy’ Ways To Channel Miley Cyrus.

December 11, 2013

Crowned here, there and everywhere as the ‘(T)IT’ girl of 2013, Miley Cyrus has been adorning our screens with her effortlessly tasteful garbs all year long now. Boys want to bang her, so naturally girls want to therefore emulate her, or jealously throw her to the hills – personally, I’d like to give her a good wake up call and tell her to stop giving us fellow early 20-somethings a bad name. I mean, despite being a whole 6 months younger than good ol’Miles, I’ve managed to get through most of my twentieth year without a) taking my top off for a ‘photographer’ who’s blatantly a pervert and allegedly a rapist b) wearing clothes that cover only around 5% of my body’s surface area c) flowering my Twitter/Instagram account with queerly hip-hop rapper-esque shit like “wit” “ting” and anything else that will probably end up in the dictionary alongside “selfie”, the way we’re headed.

So today, I thought, in the nature of my fashion-related blog, I’d create a little run-down of how to channel the little starlet:

  • Expose as much of your pubic region/hip region as is humanly possible without betraying the whereabouts of your g-spot.

For best results, ensure that you have underwear tan lines – not because you don’t tan properly – oh no, simply because we want people to see quite how tiny and risqué your underwear is – y’know, when you’re actually wearing it. You’re so sexually liberated! My favourite thing about this look is the covetable, world’s-most-confused-feminist Miley appearance it creates, eerily akin to every little girl’s first love: the Ken doll. Not content with being barely dressed with our blatantly feminine arses out, it’s now seemingly cool to show off that bizarre bit where thigh meets pelvis. Sexy. OH yeah, and again – ensure that any photographs taken of you in said loin cloth are taken by an infamously well-known pervert (hiya Terry Richardson, yeah I do mean you).

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ELNfashion.com Opening Online Shop?

May 30, 2013

After my exams, I’m going to be revealing a little shop on ELNfashion.com – which’ll mainly revolve around DIY pieces like handbands/crowns/floral hairpieces/custom made clothing. Above is a little sneak peek of what’s to come.

Offer: Buy the first crown for £15 by commenting below, emailing or tweeting me @Ebzo (RRP £22.50)! If you’d like to order a crown or a hair piece in your preferred colour, drop me an email at elnfashionandbeauty@gmail.com. First 5 orders get 10% off and free P&P

And here’s what I made earlier…

Do you like them? Let me know what you think!

Follow me on Twitter @Ebzo for updates!

Review: Bourjois Paris So Laque Glossy in Amande.

May 25, 2013

 

Warning: this ain’t gonna be pretty. In fact, it’s quite so unattractive that I have found it impossible (in two attempts – yes, I have reached the conclusion of ‘impossible’), to apply this in an appetising manner. I picked this colour up in Boots last week, with the ‘buy two – get a free gift on Bourjois’ offer, absolutely lured in by the striking icy mint colour and, given my past experiences with Bourjois, hoping for an easy application.

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‘Hey Guys, I Wash’ – Skincare Routine.

May 4, 2013

I’ve seen a few of these posts and thought I’d pop one up of my own skin routine as, for once, I’m enjoying the fact that my skin is uber clear and I can embrace my pale-y ways to the extent of not even wearing foundation day-to-day. Every skincare routine is going to be different; we all have our own little skin complaints and strengths. I’d say my skin was fairly normal, with a tendency to get a little oily around the t-zone, with my main ‘spotty’ areas being my chin and upper lip.

There’s going to be a bit of a #bblogger gasp when I say: as a rule, I rely on face-wipes pretty much daily. I take my make-up off at night with them, apply moisturiser afterwards and use another in the morning to remove any pesky, stubborn mascara before showering. I only physically wash my face when I shower, which is practically daily though, so I guess I’m not too grimily unfeminine. It’s a pretty handy tip to keep your face wash in the shower as it becomes tied into your shower routine, so it’s pretty difficult to forget about – which would probably just lead to a nasty breakout. Here’s a run down of the few products I use to attempt to keep my face in tip-top condition:

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Haircut and American Apparel Dress Review.

May 1, 2013

Today has been an absolutely unfruitful yet quietly productive day: I finally got my absolutely monstrously dyed hair coloured by a professional and the first half of my American Apparel order finally turned up. Oh and I didn’t write a single word towards my imminent Creative Writing deadline, but that’s tomorrow’s fun and games. Now, if anyone knows me in reality and has had the misfortune of seeing my hair, or the balls to just say ‘Ebony, what the hell did you do?’ of late, you’ll know that my hair has recently been an amalgamation of brown/ginger/black. Yeah… hot stuff. Here’s a little before image and a sorry explanation of ‘what the hell I did’:

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Review: Benefit’s ‘They’re Real’ Mascara.

April 30, 2013

As a (ahem, self-proclaimed) beauty writer, I’m ashamed to admit this: I’ve been using my MAC mascara for the past couple of weeks, not even realising that it was completely run out and doing absolutely sod all for my lashes. I finally came to my senses and twigged that I was still, regardless of laborious application, squinting out of d-elongated lash-framed eyes – spurring a mad dash to Boots on the recollection that, when I bought the Hello Flawless in Duty Free, the girl at the counter was absolutely raving about the success of their new ‘They’re Real’ mascara – so I had to give it a go.

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S/S 2013 Beauty: Hello 60s, Hello Edie Sedgwick?

April 13, 2013

I’ve got to admit, about 75% of trends that I read about either leave me despairing for the powers that be of the fashion world, or proclaiming a sighed “Is that it?”. However, Spring/Summer 2013 seems to be changing that with an eternally stylish nod to the ‘Swingin’ Sixties’. Now, if this is drawing up blanks for you here, I recommend a bit of background reading, or watching rather, in the guise of Factory Girl: a biographical film about Andy Warhol and his ill-fated muse: Edie Sedgwick. Sedgwick IS the 60s. Think heavy black lined eyes, pale lips and a tiny injection of heroin chic and you’re there quicker than you can say ‘Campbell’s Tomato Soup’ (please get the reference, guys).

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Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com