lbloggers posts

A New Spin on New Year’s Resolutions.

December 29, 2013

Every single year we torture ourselves with endless lists of things we find particularly shitty about ourselves, that we find need to be changed. ‘I’m too fat’ – New Year’s Resolution to lose 15lbs/join a gym/eat less awesome things. ‘I don’t try hard enough’ – New Year’s Resolution to strive more, and then beat the mental living crap out of yourself when it transpires that you can’t always give 100% because, hey: you’re only human. My point is, every damn year we turn New Year into this self-deprecating spiral, subjecting ourselves to inescapable impending self-hatred – of our own making! So, this year – given I’m usually renowned for being a negative nancy (my boyfriend was disgusted that out of 13 Snapchats he received on Christmas morning, 12 were of happy smiling friends saying ‘Happy Christmas’, then there was one off me with a santa hat over my face with ‘My eyes are bleeding’ – you get my drift) – I’d opt for a happier tone this year.

And how better to achieve this, than for us all to rally together, and each create a post in which we celebrate the things we actually do like about ourselves, instead of focusing on the stuff we hate? If you want to be part of this tag, write a blog post listing 5 – 10 things you love about yourself and link it on here, or to me on my Twitter (@Ebzo) for me to promote. It would be so amazing if, by New Year, we could have a collection of these to look through – great for those days when you forget just how un-shit you actually are. Who’s with me?

Here’s 10 things that I don’t think are completely bloody awful about myself:

  1. My eyeliner skills are nearly unparalleled. Come rain, come tears, come shine – I will be religiously sporting slick cats eyes wherever I am. I even do it for 9am seminars… Come on, where’s the medal?
  2. For a weedy white girl, I am a pretty big fan of my bum – it’s dayumn perky.
  3. I am extraordinarily talented at writing absolute bullshit – perks of being a copywriter. I can write about anything: semen-increasing drugs, car wheels, Miley Cyrus – you name it, I’m your girl.
  4. I am also reasonably talented at writing stuff that isn’t absolute bullshit – and I’m really quite proud of myself for maintaining my own persona and voice in everything I write. Allll the love to other bloggers who do this, too.
  5. Despite having dodgy eyebags and chubby cheeks, I can use this to my advantage to scare off creepers: I can lift my cheekbones up to make my irises disappear. This probably isn’t a perk, but it makes for a damn good Snapchat…
  6. I might be part cat – my meows have been mistaken for their real counterparts on many an occasion. Again, we’re verging away from perks to the plain weird, now…
  7. My lips are boss. Getting used to having two fat orange segments for lips has taken some time, but I’m finally embracing their awesome factor. They don’t call me BJ-lips for nothing… urrr.
  8. I might be a walking synthesizer: my sister and I can emulate men when we sing – it’s quite impressive. I can also sing like a normal person, but I think that’s cooler.
  9.  Back to the cats – I can 9 times out of 10 tell you exactly what breed any cat is that you place in front of me. This is due to a very severe chronic onset of cat-obsession that began to bloom when I was around 9 years old. Apparently I’ll never recover.
  10. My feet are cute. Feet are often long stubs of ming, but mine are teensy tiny size 3s and therefore, reasonably cute – so I’ve been told. However, they’re a little bitch for wearing heels – carrying my bodyweight on such a pathetic surface area is torture.

So there you have it – that’s my list. I’ve heard from a few bloggers on Twitter who are going to get involved, let’s try and make this big. Down with the resolutions, hear hear to celebrating who we actually are!

Pipe-dreamin’: The Ideal Post-Graduation Apartment.

December 16, 2013

I’m now officially one-fat-third through my final university year and holy mother of maracas, it is absolutely terrifying. The prospect of being my own little entity, free from the cushy constraints of university life and academia, is as horrendously fear-inducing as it is exciting. However, softening the blow is the thought of escaping Lancaster to further, more hip’n’happening planes *cough* London *cough* and fabricating my dream flat (this is the biggest bullshit post ever written, I’m more likely to be living in my mother’s wheelie bin with my mangy persian cat, writing freelance pieces about erectile dysfunction). Anyyyyway, if the gods of goodwill somehow decide that I finally need my big break and I get a fancy PR/journalist internship in Central London, here are some of the drool-inducing pieces I definitely wouldn’t mind adorning my apartment: (this would be so motivating, were it not so easy to while away literal hours)

  • Urban Outfitters – Phlora Double Duvet Set – £50

I’m a big fan of florals but not the uber feminine look that often comes with them – so this graphic print with bright, anti-pastel accents is a must-have. Only problem I foresee would be my inability to drink a cup of tea in bed without throwing it all over the duvet cover – bright white with tea stains. Sacrilege. This would pair beautifully with a set of jewel violet black-out curtains.

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How To Survive Summer.

June 25, 2013

College/university’s out, the sun’s making an attempt at showing its face – albeit a piss poor one, and the prospect of having sweet sod all to do for months seems damn appealing. This is, until you realise that you’re no longer fourteen, your lease ends in two weeks and you’re flirting with becoming the two dread words: “homeless” and “bum”. Then Summer becomes a snarky little bitch of dread – gone are the days of wasting your mid-teens holidays getting messed up on the local park with a tactfully scavved bottle of Lambrini. Instead, my summer has thus far consisted of: countless hours spent crying in bed staring at yet another data-entry-at-minimum-wage job that I still bizarrely won’t get; trawling miles (oh, just approximately ten) through business parks in ridiculous creeper boots just because I’m going for a fashion-related interview; receiving all too many ‘sorry, can’t today – got work’ texts from my friend circle; spending almost a week in bed because – for some reason – factor 50 still isn’t enough for my glacier-white skin and I started flaking off like something off a horror film. At the moment, I’m seething in a little pit of financial and motivational despair, throwing out emails like sporadic paper aeroplanes, in the seemingly vain hope that someone will notice my potential. At present, the only person to do such was some woman from a stripper club – where I had applied for bar work in a desperate attempt at income – who, upon seeing my CV picture (FYI: don’t put a picture from a party where you’re a mass of cheekbone and red lipstick on your CV), claimed there were no bar jobs left and wanted me to come in for an “exotic dancer” interview. And such is the colour of my summer, as it stands.

The only upside to this entire sorry affair is that, after the sunburn fiasco, I have emerged facially reinvigorated from my bed of tears and dairy free mint chocolate – and 99% spot free after a short, but franticly needy relationship with a tube of aqueous cream. Perhaps Simple or Garnier will pick me up off the street for their next ad, or I’ll enter BINTM and be the founding face behind their “Joke Applications” section. I’m narked off. It’s one of those weeks: I’m looking at my blog through sceptical eyes, sneering at the poxy pageviews since I started being a perpetual sulk – I even got to the disgraceful stage of lying in bed this morning, scanning the Twitter profiles of successful bloggers/writers that I know, eyeing up tweets about their latest achievements, and having to stop scrolling as I eventually couldn’t read through the pesky tears that’d emerged. I’ll be grand in a couple of days, something will pick up and I’ll have a new lease of life – a new project to get my sorry ass set on. But I thought I’d write this post for those of you who have been, or are still in this position too. I get a little pissed off with how blindly positive the beauty/fashion blogging world can be – given we spend about 75% of our posting time yannering on about how ‘AMAZE’ the latest BB/CC/DD/ZZ cream or ZARA piece is – yeah sure, we want our posts to be as beautiful as the things we’re writing about, but sometimes it’s good to just get out the virtual face-wipes and just see a blogger behind all the ‘lol – #lookatallmyfollowers’.

So this is for us, sulky bloggers – for anyone who’s felt a bit shite recently and needs a little pick-me-up. I’m writing this for all of us, myself included, as this is going to be a little brainstorm of things that we can get working on to stop ourselves from being stuck in that aforementioned pit of despair:

  • On the Job Hunt: Explore all avenues. Apply for every little bastarding thing on Gumtree/Indeed/Reed/Job Centre – I don’t care if it takes two days (yes, it took me that long – and you wonder why unemployment is making me bitter) – you’re only going to get something if you get out there. Join a temp/recruitment agency: I’m signed onto one in Lancaster that helped me out a decent amount with admin jobs last summer, so I’ll be joining one in Manchester this time for when I move. Get eagle-eyed with Twitter – there are lots of internships/jobs that get mentioned everyday, my favourite is @UKfashionintern. Finally, get old fashioned and trawl your local shopping centre/food district: I’m going to be marching around Manchester, especially the Arndale, laden with CVs. 
  • On Beating the ‘Average’ Fear: This is one of my biggest issues. Sometimes I get myself in a state of – ‘well, they’re doing so much better than me, look how average I am right now: what’s the bastarding point’? Arguably juvenile, I think it happens to us all sometimes and it’s just something to work through. My worst habit in these situations, is lying in bed all day – mining through the work and accolades of others, often in a cruel bout of masochism, but occasionally in a bid to seek inspiration and motivation. Just don’t sleep all day – that shit is bad. Nobody wants to hire the person who goes to sleep at 5am and wakes up at 3pm. 
  • On Post-Summer: For the two preceding summers I’ve had that have led up to a university year so far, I’ve had a slacker tendency to just not bother doing any reading and then tackle the beast head on when it comes to the beginning of term. This year, my final year, is going to be different – it’s time I grew up, had a good sniff of the coffee and got down to some serious business with Hemingway… 

 

ZARA Sale Crisis – Help!

June 21, 2013

If you didn’t know that the ZARA sale started at midnight last night, you might want to just ban yourself from the Twittersphere and be done already. Anyway, there are some really lovely pieces that otherwise, I would rarely be able to afford and these three little temptresses have caught my eye. Out of the two dresses, which one should I buy? 

 

Printed Dress | £39.99, was £49.99

Dress with shoulder pads | £29.99, was £45.99

Shopper with braided handles | £29.99, was £39.99

Which dress? Help me out guys, need to buy – neeeed to buy. Drop me a comment or tweet me @Ebzo!

Integrating Music (Through Spotify) To Your Blog/Website.

May 5, 2013

If anyone (and by anyone, I’m probably referring to a handful of my closest musically-minded friends) read my blog before I changed URL and became a relatively exclusively beauty/fashion oriented writer, you’d know that I’m a tad obsessed with music, and my blog was formerly solely based on album/EP reviews. And synthesisers. And strings. And harmonies. So, after doing a little research at the insistence of my boyfriend (who always jokily asks me to write him in to one of these posts – congrats, babe), I found out you can pop little ‘Spotify Play’ widgets into posts – including tracks, albums and playlists – by using this page.

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Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com