sex posts

GIRLS: Don’t Believe The Hype?

January 29, 2014

Lena Dunham is everywhere. Everywhere. I mean, I’ve seen her breasts more than I think I’ve seen my own in the past few days – although admittedly, I have been having a marathon GIRLS catch-up this week. Since the kooky show dropped its pilot on the world in 2012, Dunham has become this burgeoning beacon of ‘hope’ for the media: but, I have to ask, is this the kind of hope we really want? I started watching GIRLS about a year ago now, in quick succession, and the overbearing sense of ‘wait a minute, this is supposed to relate to me!?’ prevailed throughout. The show follows four New York-dwelling early-20s ‘GIRLS’; three-quarters of whom are presented as absolutely abhorrent, over-privileged twits. Let’s do a little character run-down:

  • Hannah (as played by Lena Dunham)

Main character – main bugbear. Hannah is depicted, on the very fine top onion layer, as your typical neurotic 20-something: confused, fighting her way into the big bad world, neurotic – you get me. However, early in the first series, we discover that – oh fresh hell: Hannah is getting ‘cut off’ from her parents and will now have to fight her own financial battles. Instant dislike. If, like me and the majority of the people I’ve ever known, you’ve been living off your own back (give or take the government’s help for uni alone), since the tender age of 18, Hannah’s plight will evoke nothing but aggressive malteaser-pelting at your TV screen. The sense of entitlement that absolutely resonates from every HD pore of these characters just really puts me off. Hannah is brattish, obnoxious and ultimately selfish. I know living in NY is supposed to do that to people, but jeez guys… seriously?

Dunham consistently seems to write herself into character scenarios that, in the stark light of reality, just wouldn’t ever happen. The biggest one of these has to be the time she ends up sleeping with the stereotypically very attractive older man and staying at his apartment for the weekend. Now, this may just be my internalised self-deprecation and institutionalised sexism but, in the real world, whether I am being cruel or not – Lena Dunham, nor Hannah Horvath would ever pair up with that guy. Maybe it’s supposed to be ironic? Maybe it’s supposed to show real girls doing the things that we generally only see on TV? But I am so fucking sick of seeing her breasts by now. And yet I’m still watching away in Series 3.

  • Shoshannah (Zosia Mamet)

The one saving grace of character: Shosh. If it wasn’t for her, I’d have probably thrown the towel in by now. Yes, she may be over-the-top and constantly spouting insane quips that, if your friends in real life started saying – you’d probably have them sectioned by now. Yes, she may sometimes seem as narrow-minded and shallow as the rest of them (e.g. starting a conversation about how her neckerchiefs may just be her best collection) – but she gets away with it. Predominantly due to the fact that she doesn’t psychobabble every other sentence, or make out she’s the guru of the world like Jessa.

  • Jessa (Jemima Kirke)

Speaking of. Fighting her way into the lead position for my biggest GIRLS character disdain is Jessa. Jessa is like that girl you know who’s snorted a few lines, banged a good 40+ guys and hell, maybe even had a threesome – but then, they see this as entitlement to be the smuggest, most unfoundedly ‘world-wise’ twit known to any guy going’s manhood. She is the know it all that, contrary to her allegedly wise and all-seeing ways, has no job – ever – and by Series 3, is even getting screamed at by Shoshanna for doing sweet fudge all. Are we really making role models here? I just do not understand what this show was trying to convey. And she punched Roy from the IT Crowd. Unforgivable.

  • Marni (Allison Williams)

I’ve just realised that every character’s initials are the same for their first and surname. Really now? Marni is the ‘beauty’ of the group – she’s stereotypically tall, skinny, attractive – but still, all she does is whine. Is this program simply a social commentary implying that all girls ever do is whine? She begins the show in a promising light – the only one with a responsible job at an art gallery, but soon that goes under and she ends up scrabbling like everyone else. What I want to know is – how is everyone affording to live in NYC on invisible funds? If I thought all you had to do was excessively whinge and say vapid prophetic nonsense to live in New York, I’d be there in a heartbeat. For all the gritty realism of this show, this loophole never fails to baffle me.

What is the purpose of GIRLS? Is it simply an excuse for Dunham to just play out her life in a visual “memoir” just like her character in the show? Why isn’t it renamed the Lena Dunham show? Either way, I just can’t help myself from loving to hate and hating to love it…

Are you a true fan, or are you stuck perilously on the fence like me?

(oh and just to make it more fashion-related, here’s my favourite Lena Dunham wardrobe mishap):

Pipe-dreamin’: Giles by Giles Deacon.

December 29, 2013

The second the Christmas period arrives, I somehow get it into my head that I’ll somehow be able to afford EVERYTHING that ever was made by anyone ever – solely due to the sales. However, this is seldom (never, ever) the case and so, again – I bestow upon you another lust-filled wishlist, this time in the guise of the swish GILES line. They are sale items though, if you’re feeling a little more flush than myself…

  • White Polka Dot Silk Blouse – Was £530: now £265

Anybody who knows me in real life, or is a veteran reader of my blog, will know that I have an undying love for blouses – especially ones that are thick enough to cover your bra. The main thing I love about this shirt is that it’s quietly a naughty little minx: whilst the polka dot print may look all doe-eyed and innocent, the polka dots are in fact designed to represent the ventilators on fetish masks – ooh rather. Go on Giles, you dirty bugger. In the words of Icona Pop: I love it.

  • Pink Ikat Lace Dress – Was £1,255: now £627

Speaking of thick and hulking (ho, ho, ho) – the material of this dress perfectly reflects its hefty price-tag, which is something that I seldom find adds up with some designers. I’d have to team this with a ridiculously tight waist-cincher, to avoid looking a bit too oldyworldy/old lady, but it’s absolutely darling with that sleeve detailing.

  • Pale Pink Studded Blouse – Was £620: now £310

Giles is at it again with this deceptively cheeky number – look closely for those grungy gold spikes around the neck, eerily reminiscent of a BDSM dog collar. The garish mixed with the glamorous is so craftily done here – shame I’d have to start making BDSM videos of my own, if I wanted to buy one…

To check out the rest of the line, visit Avenue32 here. 

Posting in the Office. Whilst wishing I was watching The Office.

January 11, 2012

Accessing any interesting websites on the Internet whilst at work is risky business. A bit like stealing the last chocolate from the box, or having sex in a public place – except the gratification is nowhere near matched, unfortunately. Recently, I’ve been doing the odd few days a week where my boyfriend’s mum works; gathering a bit of cash during my holidays from university. This aspect is brilliant but, alas, the work I’m ‘set’ isn’t exactly enthralling or all that time-consuming, meaning that I have a ridiculous amount of spare time to kill during the day…

Here’s a list of websites to keep you going during your ‘working’ day:

  • www.reddit.com/r/askreddit – plethora of random questions, more often than not, hilarious
  • www.reddit.com/r/sex – similar to the first, gives insight into how hopeless guys are and how secretly horny us ladies are
  • www.reddit.com/r/twoxchromosones – page where women talk about women things
  • www.reddit.com/r/indiefolk – if you’re lucky enough to be able to listen to music at work
  • www.look.co.uk – website that corresponds to the UK magazine (my favourite magazine)
  • www.cosmopolitan.com or uk – I prefer .com, strangely
  • www.wordpress.com – perfect time to write away

What websites do you frequent when you’re bored?

Cosmopolitan’s 31 Days of Hot Sex.

January 10, 2012

Check this out.

Let’s get a little background here. I like sex, like everyone should, but I love adventurous sex. Be it in a public place, in the back of my boyfriend’s car or something a little strange – I’ll try anything once. So, finding this article was a bit of a goldmine. I’m thinking of doing each day’s ‘tip’ and posting a brief rating system for each one – I don’t want to be too descriptive, haha.

Watch this space…

Obligatory Introductory Post.

January 9, 2012

It’s been around three long years since I last had a proper, written blog and, given I’m an Undergraduate English Language student – it’s a bit lax. There isn’t a particular theme for this blog, more an excuse for me to exercise my brain a little and an outlet for me to bitch and moan about things that irk me, or to gush over the things I love.

For a current example, I’d quite happily write a post bitching about the fact that I have an essay due on the 20th and a huge book that corresponds with it, that I cannot be bothered reading. Conversely, I’d write an ‘on-the-fence’ post about Lana Del Rey – a hot topic of discussion at the moment – blurring the lines between indie and pop mainstream, one shot of Botox at a time. Finally, if I were to write a post about something I currently love, it’d be about The Civil Wars, or the joys of Student Finance and the January Sales.

Today, however, I think I have to concentrate on the damn essay… Read more ›


Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com