tv posts

GIRLS: Don’t Believe The Hype?

January 29, 2014

Lena Dunham is everywhere. Everywhere. I mean, I’ve seen her breasts more than I think I’ve seen my own in the past few days – although admittedly, I have been having a marathon GIRLS catch-up this week. Since the kooky show dropped its pilot on the world in 2012, Dunham has become this burgeoning beacon of ‘hope’ for the media: but, I have to ask, is this the kind of hope we really want? I started watching GIRLS about a year ago now, in quick succession, and the overbearing sense of ‘wait a minute, this is supposed to relate to me!?’ prevailed throughout. The show follows four New York-dwelling early-20s ‘GIRLS’; three-quarters of whom are presented as absolutely abhorrent, over-privileged twits. Let’s do a little character run-down:

  • Hannah (as played by Lena Dunham)

Main character – main bugbear. Hannah is depicted, on the very fine top onion layer, as your typical neurotic 20-something: confused, fighting her way into the big bad world, neurotic – you get me. However, early in the first series, we discover that – oh fresh hell: Hannah is getting ‘cut off’ from her parents and will now have to fight her own financial battles. Instant dislike. If, like me and the majority of the people I’ve ever known, you’ve been living off your own back (give or take the government’s help for uni alone), since the tender age of 18, Hannah’s plight will evoke nothing but aggressive malteaser-pelting at your TV screen. The sense of entitlement that absolutely resonates from every HD pore of these characters just really puts me off. Hannah is brattish, obnoxious and ultimately selfish. I know living in NY is supposed to do that to people, but jeez guys… seriously?

Dunham consistently seems to write herself into character scenarios that, in the stark light of reality, just wouldn’t ever happen. The biggest one of these has to be the time she ends up sleeping with the stereotypically very attractive older man and staying at his apartment for the weekend. Now, this may just be my internalised self-deprecation and institutionalised sexism but, in the real world, whether I am being cruel or not – Lena Dunham, nor Hannah Horvath would ever pair up with that guy. Maybe it’s supposed to be ironic? Maybe it’s supposed to show real girls doing the things that we generally only see on TV? But I am so fucking sick of seeing her breasts by now. And yet I’m still watching away in Series 3.

  • Shoshannah (Zosia Mamet)

The one saving grace of character: Shosh. If it wasn’t for her, I’d have probably thrown the towel in by now. Yes, she may be over-the-top and constantly spouting insane quips that, if your friends in real life started saying – you’d probably have them sectioned by now. Yes, she may sometimes seem as narrow-minded and shallow as the rest of them (e.g. starting a conversation about how her neckerchiefs may just be her best collection) – but she gets away with it. Predominantly due to the fact that she doesn’t psychobabble every other sentence, or make out she’s the guru of the world like Jessa.

  • Jessa (Jemima Kirke)

Speaking of. Fighting her way into the lead position for my biggest GIRLS character disdain is Jessa. Jessa is like that girl you know who’s snorted a few lines, banged a good 40+ guys and hell, maybe even had a threesome – but then, they see this as entitlement to be the smuggest, most unfoundedly ‘world-wise’ twit known to any guy going’s manhood. She is the know it all that, contrary to her allegedly wise and all-seeing ways, has no job – ever – and by Series 3, is even getting screamed at by Shoshanna for doing sweet fudge all. Are we really making role models here? I just do not understand what this show was trying to convey. And she punched Roy from the IT Crowd. Unforgivable.

  • Marni (Allison Williams)

I’ve just realised that every character’s initials are the same for their first and surname. Really now? Marni is the ‘beauty’ of the group – she’s stereotypically tall, skinny, attractive – but still, all she does is whine. Is this program simply a social commentary implying that all girls ever do is whine? She begins the show in a promising light – the only one with a responsible job at an art gallery, but soon that goes under and she ends up scrabbling like everyone else. What I want to know is – how is everyone affording to live in NYC on invisible funds? If I thought all you had to do was excessively whinge and say vapid prophetic nonsense to live in New York, I’d be there in a heartbeat. For all the gritty realism of this show, this loophole never fails to baffle me.

What is the purpose of GIRLS? Is it simply an excuse for Dunham to just play out her life in a visual “memoir” just like her character in the show? Why isn’t it renamed the Lena Dunham show? Either way, I just can’t help myself from loving to hate and hating to love it…

Are you a true fan, or are you stuck perilously on the fence like me?

(oh and just to make it more fashion-related, here’s my favourite Lena Dunham wardrobe mishap):

Hey It’s Okay…

June 5, 2013

Not to be a-ok super-duper girly positive 24/7, everyday in a globe-turn. If you’ve ever read Glamour magazine, you’ll recognise the titular reference (god damn, that’s a good word): they have a page in each issue upon which they list a number of everyday things we have to deal with, that we often have to pretend to like. Basically, it’s a collective admittance that we’re not all 100% perfection goddesses, or Karlie Kloss – which is a good thing, sure – until you see Karlie Kloss. So yeah, given fashion/beauty blogs often revolve about the pizazz and sparkle of our favourite products, styles and events – I thought I’d inject a little much-needed mildy cynical realism into the Barbie Dreamworld we seem to be making of the blogosphere. Here is a selection of things that grind my feminine gears:

temp (2)Fashion’s latest ‘IT’ model, notorious onesie-rocker and undeniably Britain’s hottest gurner – Cara Delevingne is the shit right now. When I first discovered her, I was totally on the ‘OMG guiz, it’s so nice to have a model who’s down to Earth and relatable!’ bandwagon – but now I’ve realised: no, oh no son, it is not – give it up. Models are supposed to be beautiful clothes-hangers who possess an attractiveness that ascends the sort of girl next door/girl on Page 3 look your average bloke goes for – not a) avid wearers of tiger onesies b) socialistas who hang out with their celebrity ‘wifeys’ (may I interject and say that I could write an entire post on that word alone) c) on cooking shows with other models. Just when we were already feeling grim enough that we had to make that third microwave meal in a week: we get to watch two beyond svelt models cooking recipes  on YouTube. 

I’m usually  not one for the objectifying of women myself, but the incessant barrage of Cara pictures in which she’s pulling a hideous, downright childish gurn face is just getting a bit much. I’m sorry, but you can’t pose like this:

And then pose like this:

Don’t even get me started on her tattoos. The fact that she’s the same age as me angers me in two brutally honest ways: a) bouts of disgraceful jealousy at her face b) the fact that she acts like an absolute berk and thus, makes fellow 20 year olds seem like berks of an equal measure. Within a couple of months, doing a ‘Cara’ face will completely and utterly be a universally understood term, if not entered into the Collins dictionary. P.s. Cara, you’re still fit.

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This summer we celebrate and embrace representing the colour scheme of the Red Light District. Dressing like a fluro stripper sign does not make me want to jump up brandishing my Visa Debit (I’m not going to pretend I’m either brave enough or old enough to possess a credit). Maybe this is something that the naturally tanned should stick to – and no, I’m not talking about you over there, reeking of Fake Bake – it’s something that can only look dire on our generally melanin-deprived skin tones, thanks to our good ol’British weather, surely.

I’m just imagining the tweens of my hometown falling out of Primark with bags laden with top-to-toe neon – think shitty industrial town and you probably already know where I’m referring to. If you really, really must insist on incorporating some of this bizarre trend into your #OOTD, maybe just stick to one piece – like a cool fluro jumper with a crisp white shirt, or a bright green neon satchel. I’m only going to be touching pastel neon with a tentative bargepole though: I’m too white ‘n’ nerdy for anything more potentially garish.

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Already touched on this in the last point, with the passive aggressive Fake Bake dig – but oh lordy, I am an ardent disliker of fake tan. Just – why? Okay, the appeal of something like a Garnier gradual tan can be appreciated – granted, it doesn’t smell particularly marvellous and it can often still make you look like  the love child of Pamela Anderson and a zebra, but at least it looks more ‘I’ve just come back from: Portugal – honest’, than ‘I’ve just come back from: Africa – I forgot the suncream’. If you’re naturally pale, embrace it: instead of lathering yourself in mushed up Cheetos in a bid to look healthier and slimmer, why don’t you just stop being a lazy shit and go to the gym? Or hey, just be happy how you are – you probably look damn good anyway.

I have only ever had bad experiences with tanning, or the furtive handful of occasions that I’ve flirted with it. These have only occurred, as a rule, because of peer pressure – or often, best-friend pressure. First experience: sneaking into the sunbeds when we were only 15/16 for the first (and with no sliver of doubt, my last) time, with my best friend – without being instructed to turn the fan on and, consequently walking like I’d starred in an anal gangbang porno and resembling a packet of Frazzles crisps for the following week. The others generally revolve around the aforementioned gradual tan, which I tried again more recently in March when I went to Marrakech with the same best friend – and predictably ended up a streaky bastard.

If you own a tanning glove: I do not understand you and your kind.

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Nights on Twitter where every other post contains a #BGT are my least favourite nights. Yeah, I’m a bit of a pop-culture scrooge: I rarely even watch TV – but if I do, it most definitely doesn’t include: #MIC #BGT #TOWIE etc etc #killmenow. The appeal in these shows is quietly apparent, I know, people do often watch the for the ‘OMG’ factor over the real ‘X’ factor, but in all honesty, I think they’re just a bit pile of crap and I’d much rather watch a bit of The Office US (RIP) or Modern Family. Gotta level with you though: bitches love Snog, Marry, Avoid and I am so one of those bitches.

 

So there you go, a little insight into the less rainbows-and-butterflies inhabited side of my brain. I’d really appreciate it if this caught on and somebody else wrote a similar post, to alleviate me of the ‘youngest old person ever’ feeling and remind me that we’re not all super girly girls, with our virtual pompoms, all the time. P.s. I’ve finished university for the year now – second year: complete. That means I’m going to be way more active on here now, so get following and anticipate much more!

Follow me on Twitter @Ebzo

Gossip Girl’s Final Season Is Upon Us.

September 5, 2012

Our favourite Manhattan stylista socialites will be hanging up their Louboutins around Christmas time this year – Gossip Girl is back on October 8th for its last ever series. Another dampener is the rumour that the show will only be running for around 10 episodes this time, which is less than half than the other ones – 10 sets of 40 minutes are just not enough for my last ever GG fix.

Read more ›

Posting in the Office. Whilst wishing I was watching The Office.

January 11, 2012

Accessing any interesting websites on the Internet whilst at work is risky business. A bit like stealing the last chocolate from the box, or having sex in a public place – except the gratification is nowhere near matched, unfortunately. Recently, I’ve been doing the odd few days a week where my boyfriend’s mum works; gathering a bit of cash during my holidays from university. This aspect is brilliant but, alas, the work I’m ‘set’ isn’t exactly enthralling or all that time-consuming, meaning that I have a ridiculous amount of spare time to kill during the day…

Here’s a list of websites to keep you going during your ‘working’ day:

  • www.reddit.com/r/askreddit – plethora of random questions, more often than not, hilarious
  • www.reddit.com/r/sex – similar to the first, gives insight into how hopeless guys are and how secretly horny us ladies are
  • www.reddit.com/r/twoxchromosones – page where women talk about women things
  • www.reddit.com/r/indiefolk – if you’re lucky enough to be able to listen to music at work
  • www.look.co.uk – website that corresponds to the UK magazine (my favourite magazine)
  • www.cosmopolitan.com or uk – I prefer .com, strangely
  • www.wordpress.com – perfect time to write away

What websites do you frequent when you’re bored?

Netflix is now Available in the United Kingdom!

January 10, 2012

Much to my boyfriend’s delight. Despite claiming that their next country to venture to was going to be Spain by 2013, it turns out they’ve opened up to the UK first.

Here’s the info.

We checked it out last night, choosing to watch Supersize Me – which was amusingly his top recommendation. The speed of streaming is brilliant and it’s such a relief compared to the epic fannying around that watching films off dodgy websites entails. However, the library available isn’t as brilliant as I’d have thought it would be, meaning I’d still be drawn to other sites for more recent films, or things that aren’t available on Netflix. TV shows look pretty good though, think I’ll be using my account to watch every episode of The Office. Sorry, English degree…

You get a free 30 day trial if you sign up through your Facebook (it notes on your page whenever you watch a film – go advertising!), which then becomes £5.99 a month if you choose to keep it going after the first month. Maybe the library will open up a little once the website finds its feet in the UK, you never know. ‘Til then, TV shows ahoy!


Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com