twitter posts

A New Spin on New Year’s Resolutions.

December 29, 2013

Every single year we torture ourselves with endless lists of things we find particularly shitty about ourselves, that we find need to be changed. ‘I’m too fat’ – New Year’s Resolution to lose 15lbs/join a gym/eat less awesome things. ‘I don’t try hard enough’ – New Year’s Resolution to strive more, and then beat the mental living crap out of yourself when it transpires that you can’t always give 100% because, hey: you’re only human. My point is, every damn year we turn New Year into this self-deprecating spiral, subjecting ourselves to inescapable impending self-hatred – of our own making! So, this year – given I’m usually renowned for being a negative nancy (my boyfriend was disgusted that out of 13 Snapchats he received on Christmas morning, 12 were of happy smiling friends saying ‘Happy Christmas’, then there was one off me with a santa hat over my face with ‘My eyes are bleeding’ – you get my drift) – I’d opt for a happier tone this year.

And how better to achieve this, than for us all to rally together, and each create a post in which we celebrate the things we actually do like about ourselves, instead of focusing on the stuff we hate? If you want to be part of this tag, write a blog post listing 5 – 10 things you love about yourself and link it on here, or to me on my Twitter (@Ebzo) for me to promote. It would be so amazing if, by New Year, we could have a collection of these to look through – great for those days when you forget just how un-shit you actually are. Who’s with me?

Here’s 10 things that I don’t think are completely bloody awful about myself:

  1. My eyeliner skills are nearly unparalleled. Come rain, come tears, come shine – I will be religiously sporting slick cats eyes wherever I am. I even do it for 9am seminars… Come on, where’s the medal?
  2. For a weedy white girl, I am a pretty big fan of my bum – it’s dayumn perky.
  3. I am extraordinarily talented at writing absolute bullshit – perks of being a copywriter. I can write about anything: semen-increasing drugs, car wheels, Miley Cyrus – you name it, I’m your girl.
  4. I am also reasonably talented at writing stuff that isn’t absolute bullshit – and I’m really quite proud of myself for maintaining my own persona and voice in everything I write. Allll the love to other bloggers who do this, too.
  5. Despite having dodgy eyebags and chubby cheeks, I can use this to my advantage to scare off creepers: I can lift my cheekbones up to make my irises disappear. This probably isn’t a perk, but it makes for a damn good Snapchat…
  6. I might be part cat – my meows have been mistaken for their real counterparts on many an occasion. Again, we’re verging away from perks to the plain weird, now…
  7. My lips are boss. Getting used to having two fat orange segments for lips has taken some time, but I’m finally embracing their awesome factor. They don’t call me BJ-lips for nothing… urrr.
  8. I might be a walking synthesizer: my sister and I can emulate men when we sing – it’s quite impressive. I can also sing like a normal person, but I think that’s cooler.
  9.  Back to the cats – I can 9 times out of 10 tell you exactly what breed any cat is that you place in front of me. This is due to a very severe chronic onset of cat-obsession that began to bloom when I was around 9 years old. Apparently I’ll never recover.
  10. My feet are cute. Feet are often long stubs of ming, but mine are teensy tiny size 3s and therefore, reasonably cute – so I’ve been told. However, they’re a little bitch for wearing heels – carrying my bodyweight on such a pathetic surface area is torture.

So there you have it – that’s my list. I’ve heard from a few bloggers on Twitter who are going to get involved, let’s try and make this big. Down with the resolutions, hear hear to celebrating who we actually are!

4 ‘Easy’ Ways To Channel Miley Cyrus.

December 11, 2013

Crowned here, there and everywhere as the ‘(T)IT’ girl of 2013, Miley Cyrus has been adorning our screens with her effortlessly tasteful garbs all year long now. Boys want to bang her, so naturally girls want to therefore emulate her, or jealously throw her to the hills – personally, I’d like to give her a good wake up call and tell her to stop giving us fellow early 20-somethings a bad name. I mean, despite being a whole 6 months younger than good ol’Miles, I’ve managed to get through most of my twentieth year without a) taking my top off for a ‘photographer’ who’s blatantly a pervert and allegedly a rapist b) wearing clothes that cover only around 5% of my body’s surface area c) flowering my Twitter/Instagram account with queerly hip-hop rapper-esque shit like “wit” “ting” and anything else that will probably end up in the dictionary alongside “selfie”, the way we’re headed.

So today, I thought, in the nature of my fashion-related blog, I’d create a little run-down of how to channel the little starlet:

  • Expose as much of your pubic region/hip region as is humanly possible without betraying the whereabouts of your g-spot.

For best results, ensure that you have underwear tan lines – not because you don’t tan properly – oh no, simply because we want people to see quite how tiny and risqué your underwear is – y’know, when you’re actually wearing it. You’re so sexually liberated! My favourite thing about this look is the covetable, world’s-most-confused-feminist Miley appearance it creates, eerily akin to every little girl’s first love: the Ken doll. Not content with being barely dressed with our blatantly feminine arses out, it’s now seemingly cool to show off that bizarre bit where thigh meets pelvis. Sexy. OH yeah, and again – ensure that any photographs taken of you in said loin cloth are taken by an infamously well-known pervert (hiya Terry Richardson, yeah I do mean you).

Read more ›

Be Featured On ELNfashion.com!

May 5, 2013

I’m all too wary that I’m not familiar with all that many of you lovely blogger types on here – so I thought the perfect way to get around that would be have a feature, every Tuesday, where I ask you guys a couple of questions (I’m going to go for three bloggers a week) about your tastes and your blog, and I’ll pop it up in a post, so you get a little more exposure and we all get to know each other better!

If you would like to be featured, simply DM me on Twitter @Ebzo or comment below, expressing your interest, and I’ll pick three bloggers to feature, at random, each week.

Pretty Little Thing’s Manchester Bloggers’ Dinner.

April 29, 2013

My word – where to start? Despite the fact that I don’t harbour a complete wealth of knowledge surrounding bloggers’ events (I’ve sheepishly ventured out to one or two, thus far), I’m going to boldly put this out there: This could’ve arguably been the best blogger event that the North West has seen in a long time. I’d just like to say a quick thanks to Zelta, Hayley, Umar and Adam, a) for inviting me and b) for putting together a brilliant afternoon – and ahem, a free bar.

Read more ›

Beating The Blogger Blues.

October 18, 2012

We’ve all been there. Something messes up in your personal life, or it’s just one of those days – and everything seems pointless. All those countless hours you’ve spent writing posts, collaborating images and data and you’re thinking – why am I bothering? You feel like noone’s reading it, you’re doing it for nothing and can even go as far to think you’re just wasting your time. This happens to pretty much all of us.

Read more ›

How To Get Your Blog Started.

October 2, 2012

So, you’ve just created your domain name, you’re restlessly scrolling through themes and you’re bursting with the energy that you’re going to be the next best thing. Now what? Starting a blog can be a very daunting task, especially getting those first few sentences down and out there to your audience. Firstly, you need to remember that your blog is yours – you shouldn’t change anything about your tone and you should  let your character shine through with everything you write. I heard a lovely compliment recently that somebody reads my blog, despite having little interest in the topics I feature, purely because of my writing style – which really made my day.

Read more ›

Parlux 3800 Eco-Friendly Hair Dryer Review (Thanks to SheSaidBeauty!)

September 5, 2012

Twitter is brilliant for competitions. Since joining, I have entered a decent amount and, thus far, I’ve won two sets of gig tickets and now a rather snazzy hair dryer and brush set, thanks to Parlux and SheSaidBeauty! The latter is a reasonably new company who sell subscription beauty boxes – as reviewed here, who also have a really cool social media/networking function where you can review your favourite beauty products, share your blog posts and check out the picks of other users. I love it! Here’s a review of the lovely gift I received, in which I’ll remain completely unbiased so I give you a proper idea of the product!

Read more ›


Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com