After the glee-filled writing process and reception I got from yesterday’s Miley Cyrus piece, I thought I’d continue on a mildly sarcastic thread – I may even make this post a weekly feature if it is well received. Every single day, as I get bombarded with media snaps of celebrity appearances, like so many of us, I get overwhelmed with the urge to scream “But I could’ve done so much better with all your money, what is wrong with you, why why why *incomprehensible mumbles of jealousy*” at magazines/Perez Hilton.com/the TV/’the wall. So, in a gloriously petty act of poor-person-with-good-taste solidarity, here are some of my favourite blunders of the day:
- Rita Ora – The Dorchester Hotel – 11/12/2013
To get this look, and a number of quizzical ones from your adoring public, I’d suggest taking on the persona of a panto-character with a severe case of multiple personality disorder. On the bottom, we’re going for the covetable role of ‘giraffe extra’ in ‘The Lion King’, moving up to a haphazard stab at channelling Aladdin with that divinely confused waistcoat – onto the pièce de résistance: the Snow Queen jacket. Be sure to carry a similarly large, pointless handbag, where you can store your real clothes to change into before leaving rehearsals – something Rita unfortunately forgot to do.
- Pixie Lott – Liverpool Echo Arena Performance – 11/12/2013
Pink eyebrows. Glittery pink eyebrows. Strictly speaking, yes, I know this isn’t an outfit – but the true impact of this questionable look doesn’t hit home on the red carpet shots. The 10-year-old Bratz doll lover in me can’t help but like it, I cannot deny – but really, Pixie? Why? Actually, going back to the aforementioned ‘Lion King’, she kinda reminds me of a drag reenactment of the moment where Rafiki rubs that bizarre jungle ointment on baby Simba’s head… Anyway…
- Miley Cyrus – Atlanta Jingle Ball Performance – 11/12/2013
Okay, I’ll admit it – I can’t help myself. I just love to hate her. Here is our ‘Lady’ of the Year, ensuring that – despite wearing arguably the most respectable of Miley outfits – we always, always remember that she is a dirty freakin’ bitch, by gesticulating towards her vagina. I can’t help but wonder if she’s hiding a matching merkin to her earmuffs down there…