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Warning: this ain’t gonna be pretty. In fact, it’s quite so unattractive that I have found it impossible (in two attempts – yes, I have reached the conclusion of ‘impossible’), to apply this in an appetising manner. I picked this colour up in Boots last week, with the ‘buy two – get a free gift on Bourjois’ offer, absolutely lured in by the striking icy mint colour and, given my past experiences with Bourjois, hoping for an easy application.

By Christ, I was wrong. The first time I applied this was literally a war of varnish attrition. Usually, due to my admittedly sub-par varnishing skills, I like to build up with relatively thin layers to create the overall smooth effect. However, with this varnish, you literally have to slap it on, as quickly as is humanly possible, before it starts to dry and the brush snags it into a horrendous goop. So after getting quite so frustrated with it that I had to pause my Downton Abbey spree, I gave it up as a reasonably botched – but perhaps salvageable job. This was until I actually let it dry and stepped out into the big wide world – a world which seemed dead set on making as many chips and indentations in my nails, as the chips and indentations in Jodie Marsh’s dignity. Up to 10 days coverage? Sure, if you’re a kept lady and you have your own butler to engage in acts of the peasantry, such as your magazine page flipping, or hair-brushing…

Basically, the bottom line summary I’m going to offer you here is: if you’re shit at doing nails as a rule, avoid this stuff like the plague. This isn’t particularly an attack on Bourjois products, merely the amalgamation of an easily frustrated ‘beauty’ blogger and a testy little bottle of varnish that should come with a ‘Warning: Only for professional use’ disclaimer, above the price-tag (2 for £8 in Boots, if you were wondering). I would post a picture of my nails right now, but no amount of Instagram-tweaking is going to make it look pretty. THAT bad. Also, I may add that, whilst I admit to being arguably quite pants at nails, I’m not abysmal and this isn’t just me having a medium to write-off every nail varnish based on my lack of skills. This nail varnish is just not good to work with.

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