celebrity posts

#GirlOnline – Literary Talent Decline?

December 7, 2014

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If you’ve been residing anywhere other than beneath a rock, you’ll be all too aware of the current shitstorm surrounding the revelation that Zoella’s record-breaking book wasn’t penned organically, but instead written by a ghostwriter – seemingly YA novel freelancer Siobhan Curham. I’d just like to slip in the disclaimer that I am not an aspiring novelist/blogger/vlogger: my passion lies solely in creating articles akin to the one you’re currently eyeing with inevitable scepticism. Since the news dropped, the Twittersphere has been awash with clashing opinions, with many denouncing anyone who dares speak out against a fellow blogger, especially queen bee Zoella – mainly putting any negativity down to mere jealousy.

Am I jealous? Naturally – I’m human; if somebody is earning more money and acclaim, in an area that they have no skill in (I’m sorry, but if you frequent Zoe’s written blog, you’ll struggle to argue that she is a strong writer), jealousy will inevitably weave its way in here. However, as I said, I’m not looking to write novels – but I feel so cripplingly angry for those who are and don’t get a sniff in, purely because they don’t have the Disney Princess aesthetics to convey through YouTube vlogs about lipstick, and consequently, can’t score a Penguin publishing deal. A two book deal, no less.

Literature is dying. There, I said it. If you can’t write a novel, don’t write a novel. If you can’t write a novel but you can afford to get someone to write a novel for you, definitely do not write a damn novel. The use of ghostwriters for autobiographies is far less deplorable: some people need a little help to tell their own stories – but to take on an art form that, unless stated/outed, implies that you can, or have penned, an entire novel? Then to reap the benefits of becoming an inspiration to a generation of young girls, despite really only having the ability to be gloriously endearing and pretty nifty with bobby pins? Unbelievable.

Many well-known bloggers such as Lily Melrose and Zoe London have chimed in on the debate, arguing pro-Zo, with statements such as “anything that supports young people picking up books and taking time to actually READ is good enough for me” and “Hardly any mainstream art is created by it’s author. Yup. That Beyonce song you love? Of course she didn’t write it.” (sic), respectively. Whilst I definitely agree with Melrose’s sentiment, this isn’t the issue at hand – surely it’s more damaging to glamourise the idea that, as long as you sit in front of a YouTube channel for ‘x’ amount of hours and procure enough followers: you will automatically become an amazing author/designer/singer/whatever-the-hell-you-want?

With Zoe London’s response, I completely disagree – the example of Beyonce is moot for one. Beyonce is a singer. Granted, I don’t agree with the fact she mightn’t write most of her material and is often coined ‘singer/songwriter’, but she shot to fame predominantly due to her voice. Nobody is singing Beyonce’s songs for her – so let her have that bit more integrity for her name on her album cover, than for ‘ZOE SUGG’ emblazoned on a book that she contributed so little talent to.

I spoke to a number of Zoe’s fans on Twitter and asked them “What inspires you about Zoella?”. Most answers left me crawling up the wall and wishing it wasn’t Sunday evening, so I could source a large bottle of wine. They ranged from the endearing lines of ‘she’s doing something she loves and following her dreams’ (which in actuality was riddled with bad grammar – #GirlOnline can’t be that helpful, eh), to a downright disturbing exchange in which a girl refused to see any other career prospects than “YouTube singer” or “famous vlogger”. I’m all for ambition, irrespective of where it’s headed, but we’re creating a generation of “When I grow up, I want to be a professional vlogger” clones – which is a self-perpuating fucked-up fantasy, in which advertisers and agencies will only further profit at the naivety of youth.

Why doesn’t Zoella step away from her prop of a pen and instead, start a vlogging series about the importance of books – even create an online book club, in which she focuses on a novel every few weeks, where viewers have to race to read it and keep up with her? If she has the power to break the records of J K Rowling, I’m pretty sure she can put her little head (shameless brand name) to that, no?

Miley Cyrus Bares All (Again) For W Magazine

February 7, 2014

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Pretty sure I’ve seen more of Miley Cyrus’ skin than I have my own, of late. The infamous pop sensation just can’t seem to keep enough of her clothes on – despite having a bank balance that would easily dress half of Europe in Chanel. As something of a self-proclaimed Miley-cynic, I usually can’t help myself from writing scathing pieces about her latest faux-pas but today, I’ve hit a crisis: I may actually like these images.

For once, Cyrus’ new look is almost, dare I say it: tasteful. Instead of tacky barely-there Santa girl costumes, or hideously niptastic fishnet monstrosities, this shoot is stripped back in all the right ways. Yes, she may be completely starkers but this time, she’s looking more Donatella Versace than dirt cheap, right? And even better, there’s not a hint of Robin Thicke in sight.

Of course, the subtlety of her sexuality on the cover doesn’t last long, as the inner spread reveals shots of her getting back into that aforementioned ‘niptastic’ mode. However, even though I’m caught face-to-face (or should I say nip-to-face) with her ‘bangerz’, I don’t want to start pelting things at my laptop screen in disgust this time. Maybe it’s because her tongue is well and truly at bay, or maybe it’s because of the artsy monochrome effects – maybe it’s simply because those bleached brows slightly disguise the fact that she’s actually Miley Cyrus. I just can’t hate it.

If this was some foresight into a new era of Miley, I may actually end up hanging up my bitch crown and becoming – perish the thought… a fan. Admittedly, amidst jealousy and judgement, it’s sometimes too easy to forget that Miley is just a young 20-something, just like me. Saying which: you wouldn’t find me licking sledgehammers on your average Friday night. I guess all I’m trying to say is: keep doing what you’re doing, girl – we’ve all seen enough of your nether regions by now.

Over to you guys: are you a fan of this side of Miley? Have W Magazine helped change your tune, too? Drop me a comment or hit me up @Ebzo – I can talk about this girl all day, trust me…

 

 

WTF: Superdrug Announce ‘Celebrity Scales’

January 30, 2014

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No, this is not a scale that measures how much of a diva you are, or how strong your singing pipes may be – oh, don’t be silly now – this is the latest absolutely ludicrous thing to fall from Planet Beauty, and it’s got my blood boiling so much that I’ve paid £6 for train wi-fi to write about it. Now, on the surface, this looks like a pretty amusing novelty gift that you’d send your best mate for a laugh, right? However, the connotations behind it have got anyone with an ounce of nonce absolutely shitting themselves – or wanting to beat up Superdrug execs. These scales work by calibrating a celebrity’s name up to your weight – e.g. if you’re 14 stone – go you: you’re Adele. If you’re 8 stone: you’re a Cheryl Cole. Now again, when we just look at the very surface, this isn’t too outrageous, surely? Just a bit of fun?

I disagree, solely due to one incredibly influential factor: comparison. The media makes life absolutely rife with comparison, especially with regards to the beauty industry, and its consequential effects on the esteem of women young and old. This comparison sets us up for feelings of inferiority and the sense that we’re not trying our best which, in turn, often creates a sense of competition. Said sense of competition is fine, when we’re thinking about sports games and school grades – but when this product which, let’s face it, is clearly marketed to the younger generations, unleashes an element of weight competition: we’re in big fudging trouble. As a young teenager, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa and believe me, nothing made me feel more motivated to starve myself that little bit more than reading forums where girls would compare and boast about their tiny BMIs. I used to bore the shit out of my school friends by enquiring about how much they’d eaten that day, or trying to find out their clothes size – just so I could feel accomplished at something. This is what we’re now marketing and manifesting into products for young girls. No wonder B-eat are going insane about it.

Of course, the element of competition that can be garnered from a standard set of scales will always be there, it’s practically inescapable. But, when most women are unprepared to divulge the actual figure of their weight, this element remains happily under the carpet for most – whereas, these scales are set to undoubtedly cause a social craze. Picture it: one schoolgirl gets the scales as a silly gift from a friend or unknowing parent – cue the next sleepover, everyone’s having a go on the scales and finding out ‘who they are’. The girl that’s stuck in between Ellie Goulding and Beyonce (or whatever other celebrities it uses) is jealous of the girl just below Ellie Goulding – so she goes home, internalises this and hey ho, potential low self-esteem and a potential consequential eating disorder. In eating disorder documentaries I’ve watched in the past, which focus on child inpatient carehomes, a girl cited a playground weight-loss competition as the trigger for her eating disorder. And now folks, we’re getting that packaged up in a little box from Superdrug and we’re making eating disorders even more marketable. Well fucking done Superdrug – well fucking done.

Am I being over the top because it’s a personal issue, or do you think Superdrug are clearly thinking out of their arses this week, too?

4 ‘Easy’ Ways To Channel Miley Cyrus.

December 11, 2013

Crowned here, there and everywhere as the ‘(T)IT’ girl of 2013, Miley Cyrus has been adorning our screens with her effortlessly tasteful garbs all year long now. Boys want to bang her, so naturally girls want to therefore emulate her, or jealously throw her to the hills – personally, I’d like to give her a good wake up call and tell her to stop giving us fellow early 20-somethings a bad name. I mean, despite being a whole 6 months younger than good ol’Miles, I’ve managed to get through most of my twentieth year without a) taking my top off for a ‘photographer’ who’s blatantly a pervert and allegedly a rapist b) wearing clothes that cover only around 5% of my body’s surface area c) flowering my Twitter/Instagram account with queerly hip-hop rapper-esque shit like “wit” “ting” and anything else that will probably end up in the dictionary alongside “selfie”, the way we’re headed.

So today, I thought, in the nature of my fashion-related blog, I’d create a little run-down of how to channel the little starlet:

  • Expose as much of your pubic region/hip region as is humanly possible without betraying the whereabouts of your g-spot.

For best results, ensure that you have underwear tan lines – not because you don’t tan properly – oh no, simply because we want people to see quite how tiny and risqué your underwear is – y’know, when you’re actually wearing it. You’re so sexually liberated! My favourite thing about this look is the covetable, world’s-most-confused-feminist Miley appearance it creates, eerily akin to every little girl’s first love: the Ken doll. Not content with being barely dressed with our blatantly feminine arses out, it’s now seemingly cool to show off that bizarre bit where thigh meets pelvis. Sexy. OH yeah, and again – ensure that any photographs taken of you in said loin cloth are taken by an infamously well-known pervert (hiya Terry Richardson, yeah I do mean you).

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Ditch The Slap For Summer.

June 17, 2013

Summer’s here, sun cream’s flying off the shelves and we’re all out in the garden having BBQs. Well, perhaps one weekend each month we have the luxury of such weather, being begrudging citizens of the United Kingdom. The first thing we see after the teensiest hint of sunshine is an absolute fake-tan army, patrolling the streets, our shitty beaches, or even just loitering around the local Spar with a couple Calippo lollies – a complete onslaught of orange. I hate it. It’s probably one of my most anti-beauty blogger opinions, and may even get me banished from the blogosphere but, I bloody hate fake tan. It’s nigh impossible to get done properly, unless you’re in the know and of a well-padded bank account, which we all know accounts only for the tiniest minority of Britain’s population. Instead, we get faced with young girls and ladies committing one of many ‘sun’-kissed sins: streaks/OTT orange pigmentation/different coloured foundations to fake tan – it goes on and on. Not to mention the grim side effects. You’re either going to smell funny, drip brown liquid over all your belongings/bedsheets/boyfriends, or take the other option and get cancer, or just botch up your facial skin quality by whapping on the slap and causing breakouts.

Now, how much of Britain’s fake tan obsession do you think spurns from the media, or peer pressure? I’d say a damn good amount. When I was in high school, I was relentlessly bitched at by the chavvy girls due to my ghostly white complexion, usually in a guise of being utterly perplexed that I didn’t bother slapping colour on me that was a good 10 shades darker than the Snow White pigment I was born with. As long as you take care of your skin properly, it doesn’t matter what damn colour it is. If you consistently shave, exfoliate and moisturise, your skin will look radiant and healthy in the sun regardless! You don’t have to add further stressors to your life by thinking you can’t leave the house without a 2cm layer of paste all over you. It’s just bizarre to me.

But I’m not the only one who feels like embracing my natural tone and working with it. Here are some pale celebrity goddesses:

Rooney Mara

 

Taylor Swift

Nicola Roberts

Amanda Seyfried

Charlotte Free

My main change to my beauty regime that, unless I’m going on a night out, I have completely and utterly cut out foundation – sticking instead to using just moisturiser, concealer when necessary, and the odd bit of powder on my t-zones. This has been going on for nearly a month now and I cannot begin to explain how much of a difference it has made my complexion. My skin is clearer than its ever been, my freckles are proudly mooching around my cheeks and the overall finish is much cleaner and natural. Being so pale, I find it difficult to find any foundation that actually suits me for more than a season anyway, so I thought I’d brave being naked for a while and get to the root of the problem, that foundation was only covering up and worsening anyway!

I say: give it a try. And if it doesn’t work, you can send me nasty emails. But I’m pretty damn sure you’ll see great results and you’ll learn to feel comfortable with the quality and shade of your own skin tone within no time – no more wasting time and money on bottles of orange gunk – let the warmth of summer bring out your natural glow. If you’ve tried to cut out any beauty product recently – let me know how it went! Here’s a blatant piss-take photo from my holiday in March, where I braved Morocco without bothering with fake tan:

Tweet me @Ebzo

STYLE CRUSH: Taylor Swift – New Perfume Announcement.

May 30, 2013

To celebrate the upcoming release of her third perfume ‘Taylor by Taylor Swift’, I’m revealing Taylor Swift as my current style crush. And face crush – she’s a beaut. I’ve always admired her effortless mix of playful sophistication: she’s the only celebrity I can think of who can pull off dressing super demurely, then at other times, really daft – like in the 22 video – and still get away with it. I think my favourite thing about T-Swift is her ridiculous ability to look absolutely drop-dead in red lipstick. I’m usually a brunette fan through and through, but something about the pale skin + white blonde + red lips + perfect pearly whites, makes me insanely jealous of her.

Here are some of my favourite T-Swift looks:

What’s your favourite Taylor Swift look?

Drop me an URL in the comments.

Follow me on Twitter @Ebzo.

Review: Benefit’s ‘They’re Real’ Mascara.

April 30, 2013

As a (ahem, self-proclaimed) beauty writer, I’m ashamed to admit this: I’ve been using my MAC mascara for the past couple of weeks, not even realising that it was completely run out and doing absolutely sod all for my lashes. I finally came to my senses and twigged that I was still, regardless of laborious application, squinting out of d-elongated lash-framed eyes – spurring a mad dash to Boots on the recollection that, when I bought the Hello Flawless in Duty Free, the girl at the counter was absolutely raving about the success of their new ‘They’re Real’ mascara – so I had to give it a go.

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Is She, Isn’t She? Has Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda Kerr Fallen?

April 13, 2013

There have been a lot of rumours scooting around about the delectable Miss Kerr, one of the elite Victoria’s Secret Angel models – suggesting that she may’ve been given the boot for quote: “Diva behaviour”. So Hollywood. Now, of the sources saying that she has been sacked, I can only find marvellously ‘reputable’ sources like The Sun, who say she has been kicked out, amidst claims that she has a “difficult reputation” and is “not a big seller” compared to the other VS girls. I find this crazy as, to me, Kerr is annoyingly beautiful – dainty little face, pale skin – perfection…

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Liverpool Fashion Live Event!

October 20, 2012

After an absolutely terrible week, I finally decided to get out of my sorry state of bed-sulking and get back out there – to Liverpool Fashion Live at the Pan America bar at the Albert Docks on Thursday. Brilliant idea! The event was created by two businesswomen from Liverpool, Ruth and Caz, who had grown tired of the pretentiousness of fashion events and decided to host their own where the attributes of everyday people were appreciated. The catwalks showed models from ages 14 to 80, all shapes and sizes – as a celebration of all kinds of beauty…

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New Lasting Finish By Kate Moss Lipstick for Rimmel Review/Look.

October 3, 2012

If you caught my post earlier today about my little haul, you’ll see that I’ve bought the 107 shade that Kate Moss is wearing in the advert and I was planning to do a later post featuring a review of the item and a tutorial of the look.

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Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com