model posts

New York Fashion Week: The Picks (Part 1 Marchesa, Ralph Lauren etc.)

February 18, 2016

How better to alleviate an unrelenting sense of FOMO where NYFW’s concerned, than to chime in with my favourite pieces of the season? I’d like to thank the handful of brands/party hosters who emailed me with invites over the past week but alas, I have been stuck in fair Blighty with about ten quid to my name. Maybe next time. Fly me over, yeah?

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MARCHESA

Whilst my day-to-day sartorial uniform consists of trusty black-on-black, catwalk shows that convey more than shapeless beige/tonal shades really resonate with me (*cough* sorry DKNY). The intricate craftsmanship that is endlessly apparent from Marchesa is as close to classic fine art as the fashion world gets. With a floral update from SS16’s focus on glitz and volume, this collection looks like the result of The Great Gatsby throwing a Valentine’s party. And I want an invite.

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RALPH LAUREN

Ralph Lauren was something of a mixed bag this season. Starting off with a theme that conjured images of Gossip Girls’ Blair Waldorf at a 70s throwback school disco; ending on a jewel-toned medley of evening gowns, variation was key. However, the standout looks for me had to be the monochrome offering, with slick tailoring contrasting against exaggerated blouse ruffles – think Adam Ant after a packet of face-wipes and a blow-dry.

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NAEEM KHAN

The first two dresses in this segment are some of the only ‘Ready-to-Wear’ pieces I’ve seen that are plausibly ready-to-wear – though perhaps not whilst you’re mooching around ASDA of a Thursday eve. The geometric cut-outs bring a quirky twist on two somewhat traditional styles, with the velvet of the black dress sending me back to my purple velvet catsuit days of the nineties (I was 10, don’t judge me). The latter styles scream opulence, with another insurgence of roses akin to those of Marchesa, elevating two of my favourite hues – pillarbox red and ebony black – high onto the trend ladder. Yaasss.

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RR331

A label that, admittedly, had never crossed my path before, RR331 surprisingly knocked Proenza Schouler off my list for this rundown. I love a good staple black piece, but my tendency to veer towards safer options is obliterated with this collection and I’m more than willing to take the risk. With asymmetrical hems and outlandish silhouettes, RR331’s ability to remain sophisticated and classic, whilst straddling the kooky and unique, encapsulates the contrasting ethoi of its designers Ralph Rucci and Sander Lak. The former, a veteran American couturier, creates pieces that are driven by exquisite fabrics and lines, whilst the latter – 30 years Rucci’s junior – designs with youth and a casual edge, resulting in this delightfully contradictory pairing.

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4 ‘Easy’ Ways To Channel Miley Cyrus.

December 11, 2013

Crowned here, there and everywhere as the ‘(T)IT’ girl of 2013, Miley Cyrus has been adorning our screens with her effortlessly tasteful garbs all year long now. Boys want to bang her, so naturally girls want to therefore emulate her, or jealously throw her to the hills – personally, I’d like to give her a good wake up call and tell her to stop giving us fellow early 20-somethings a bad name. I mean, despite being a whole 6 months younger than good ol’Miles, I’ve managed to get through most of my twentieth year without a) taking my top off for a ‘photographer’ who’s blatantly a pervert and allegedly a rapist b) wearing clothes that cover only around 5% of my body’s surface area c) flowering my Twitter/Instagram account with queerly hip-hop rapper-esque shit like “wit” “ting” and anything else that will probably end up in the dictionary alongside “selfie”, the way we’re headed.

So today, I thought, in the nature of my fashion-related blog, I’d create a little run-down of how to channel the little starlet:

  • Expose as much of your pubic region/hip region as is humanly possible without betraying the whereabouts of your g-spot.

For best results, ensure that you have underwear tan lines – not because you don’t tan properly – oh no, simply because we want people to see quite how tiny and risqué your underwear is – y’know, when you’re actually wearing it. You’re so sexually liberated! My favourite thing about this look is the covetable, world’s-most-confused-feminist Miley appearance it creates, eerily akin to every little girl’s first love: the Ken doll. Not content with being barely dressed with our blatantly feminine arses out, it’s now seemingly cool to show off that bizarre bit where thigh meets pelvis. Sexy. OH yeah, and again – ensure that any photographs taken of you in said loin cloth are taken by an infamously well-known pervert (hiya Terry Richardson, yeah I do mean you).

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Hey It’s Okay…

June 5, 2013

Not to be a-ok super-duper girly positive 24/7, everyday in a globe-turn. If you’ve ever read Glamour magazine, you’ll recognise the titular reference (god damn, that’s a good word): they have a page in each issue upon which they list a number of everyday things we have to deal with, that we often have to pretend to like. Basically, it’s a collective admittance that we’re not all 100% perfection goddesses, or Karlie Kloss – which is a good thing, sure – until you see Karlie Kloss. So yeah, given fashion/beauty blogs often revolve about the pizazz and sparkle of our favourite products, styles and events – I thought I’d inject a little much-needed mildy cynical realism into the Barbie Dreamworld we seem to be making of the blogosphere. Here is a selection of things that grind my feminine gears:

temp (2)Fashion’s latest ‘IT’ model, notorious onesie-rocker and undeniably Britain’s hottest gurner – Cara Delevingne is the shit right now. When I first discovered her, I was totally on the ‘OMG guiz, it’s so nice to have a model who’s down to Earth and relatable!’ bandwagon – but now I’ve realised: no, oh no son, it is not – give it up. Models are supposed to be beautiful clothes-hangers who possess an attractiveness that ascends the sort of girl next door/girl on Page 3 look your average bloke goes for – not a) avid wearers of tiger onesies b) socialistas who hang out with their celebrity ‘wifeys’ (may I interject and say that I could write an entire post on that word alone) c) on cooking shows with other models. Just when we were already feeling grim enough that we had to make that third microwave meal in a week: we get to watch two beyond svelt models cooking recipes  on YouTube. 

I’m usually  not one for the objectifying of women myself, but the incessant barrage of Cara pictures in which she’s pulling a hideous, downright childish gurn face is just getting a bit much. I’m sorry, but you can’t pose like this:

And then pose like this:

Don’t even get me started on her tattoos. The fact that she’s the same age as me angers me in two brutally honest ways: a) bouts of disgraceful jealousy at her face b) the fact that she acts like an absolute berk and thus, makes fellow 20 year olds seem like berks of an equal measure. Within a couple of months, doing a ‘Cara’ face will completely and utterly be a universally understood term, if not entered into the Collins dictionary. P.s. Cara, you’re still fit.

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This summer we celebrate and embrace representing the colour scheme of the Red Light District. Dressing like a fluro stripper sign does not make me want to jump up brandishing my Visa Debit (I’m not going to pretend I’m either brave enough or old enough to possess a credit). Maybe this is something that the naturally tanned should stick to – and no, I’m not talking about you over there, reeking of Fake Bake – it’s something that can only look dire on our generally melanin-deprived skin tones, thanks to our good ol’British weather, surely.

I’m just imagining the tweens of my hometown falling out of Primark with bags laden with top-to-toe neon – think shitty industrial town and you probably already know where I’m referring to. If you really, really must insist on incorporating some of this bizarre trend into your #OOTD, maybe just stick to one piece – like a cool fluro jumper with a crisp white shirt, or a bright green neon satchel. I’m only going to be touching pastel neon with a tentative bargepole though: I’m too white ‘n’ nerdy for anything more potentially garish.

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Already touched on this in the last point, with the passive aggressive Fake Bake dig – but oh lordy, I am an ardent disliker of fake tan. Just – why? Okay, the appeal of something like a Garnier gradual tan can be appreciated – granted, it doesn’t smell particularly marvellous and it can often still make you look like  the love child of Pamela Anderson and a zebra, but at least it looks more ‘I’ve just come back from: Portugal – honest’, than ‘I’ve just come back from: Africa – I forgot the suncream’. If you’re naturally pale, embrace it: instead of lathering yourself in mushed up Cheetos in a bid to look healthier and slimmer, why don’t you just stop being a lazy shit and go to the gym? Or hey, just be happy how you are – you probably look damn good anyway.

I have only ever had bad experiences with tanning, or the furtive handful of occasions that I’ve flirted with it. These have only occurred, as a rule, because of peer pressure – or often, best-friend pressure. First experience: sneaking into the sunbeds when we were only 15/16 for the first (and with no sliver of doubt, my last) time, with my best friend – without being instructed to turn the fan on and, consequently walking like I’d starred in an anal gangbang porno and resembling a packet of Frazzles crisps for the following week. The others generally revolve around the aforementioned gradual tan, which I tried again more recently in March when I went to Marrakech with the same best friend – and predictably ended up a streaky bastard.

If you own a tanning glove: I do not understand you and your kind.

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Nights on Twitter where every other post contains a #BGT are my least favourite nights. Yeah, I’m a bit of a pop-culture scrooge: I rarely even watch TV – but if I do, it most definitely doesn’t include: #MIC #BGT #TOWIE etc etc #killmenow. The appeal in these shows is quietly apparent, I know, people do often watch the for the ‘OMG’ factor over the real ‘X’ factor, but in all honesty, I think they’re just a bit pile of crap and I’d much rather watch a bit of The Office US (RIP) or Modern Family. Gotta level with you though: bitches love Snog, Marry, Avoid and I am so one of those bitches.

 

So there you go, a little insight into the less rainbows-and-butterflies inhabited side of my brain. I’d really appreciate it if this caught on and somebody else wrote a similar post, to alleviate me of the ‘youngest old person ever’ feeling and remind me that we’re not all super girly girls, with our virtual pompoms, all the time. P.s. I’ve finished university for the year now – second year: complete. That means I’m going to be way more active on here now, so get following and anticipate much more!

Follow me on Twitter @Ebzo

The Hairstyles To Be Wearing This Summer.

April 13, 2013

Spring/Summer is a pretty broad wash for different hair styles this year, so I thought I’d collate the ‘It’ styles from various fashion inspirations and influences flying around at present. And me? Well, I’m still hooked on a picture I saw in a Glamour issue recently: long, copper-toned with a full fringe – now I’ve just got to wait for my damn Student Loan to come through and it’ll be mine!

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Is She, Isn’t She? Has Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda Kerr Fallen?

April 13, 2013

There have been a lot of rumours scooting around about the delectable Miss Kerr, one of the elite Victoria’s Secret Angel models – suggesting that she may’ve been given the boot for quote: “Diva behaviour”. So Hollywood. Now, of the sources saying that she has been sacked, I can only find marvellously ‘reputable’ sources like The Sun, who say she has been kicked out, amidst claims that she has a “difficult reputation” and is “not a big seller” compared to the other VS girls. I find this crazy as, to me, Kerr is annoyingly beautiful – dainty little face, pale skin – perfection…

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London Fashion Week & Timur Kim Show Review.

September 16, 2012

On Thursday, I was absent-mindedly mooching through my Twitter feed as I always do and happened upon a retweeted post about a free ticket going for a London Fashion Week show. So, naturally – I jumped on it. I messaged the girl who posted it, who turned out to be the lovely Sam from WhenFlowersFall, who told me they had a spare ticket to the Timur Kim show – all I needed to do was travel to London with two complete strangers and contribute a bit of petrol money – sold! They had won the tickets in a MakeBelieve competition (a tanning company) and had a spare – don’t mind if I do!

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LOOK Magazine Competition – #StyleSearch!

August 8, 2012

If you’re one of those girls who can just throw an outfit together and have it look like every detail has been slaved over by the likes of Karl Lagerfeld, you may want to enter this competition. LOOK Magazine are currently offering the girls with the quirkiest style who upload a picture onto here, a chance to style a model on the LOOK Show catwalk! If that wasn’t enough, check out the other prizes you’d win (taken from the LOOK website)…

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Ebony. 25. Manchester.
Marketing Manager who likes to mouth off on here about stuff she cares about. Expect mental health, Borderline Personality Disorder, and reviews - from restaurants, to books, to fashion. Talks to cats more than people, but seemingly has a lot to say.
ebonylaurenn@gmail.com